When Motivation Just Isn't There

I don’t want to do anything right now.  Nothing.  Not housework.  Not studying.  Not exercise.  Nothing.  Except maybe crashing on the couch and mindlessly watching TV.  I have zero motivation.  Even my eating habits have slipped this week, and the scale shows it.

This has been a very long and tiring week, and it still isn't over.  I think that's probably the reason behind my strong urge to do nothing.  I'm exhausted, stressed, and hormonal - not a good combination.  I'm also feeling pretty overwhelmed.  When I feel overloaded I sometimes want to procrastinate, not knowing where to start.

Thankfully my Good Morning Girls group begins Monday.  I'm looking forward to their support and encouragement, and our Bible study on 1 John.  My 5k is just weeks away, so I'm going to make myself get back on track with my training.  I'm going to keep tackling college one day, one class, one assignment at a time.  I'll get there, slow and steady.  I'll find my motivation day by day as I dig in and keep going.

When Living Simply Isn't So Simple

Simplify.  Just saying the word makes me feel more relaxed.  I see myself with less to do, less to worry about, and more time to relax.  I see myself sipping raspberry lemonade on a private beach...okay, that's just wishful thinking, but you get the point.

But what happens when you're at a place in your life where you can't simplify?  What happens when you have too many irons in the fire, but you can't take anything out or it will all fall apart?  That's where I am now.

Work is going well - extremely well, in fact.  We've worked hard to get it there, and we're going to have to work harder to keep it moving in the right direction.

School is great.  It's amazing.  I love it, and I know that dental hygiene is the career I was made for.  It's a perfect fit for me.  It's also extremely demanding: five classes, required community service hours, numerous online assignments, a group project, rotations in senior clinic, choosing a topic for my freshman research project, two case studies, a patients education simulation, and finding my own patients to meet radiology requirements...and that's just this semester!

A lot of the girls in the program have already quit their jobs, but that's not an option for me...and honestly, I wouldn't want to even if it was an an option.  I enjoy my job, and most of my patients on my list are work contacts.  Cutting my hours back would be great, but that's not an option either.

Simplicity is not an option for me right now.  That won't come until I start my new career in 2013.  So I try to juggle and find all the support I can get.  My husband is my biggest fan - he does all he can to help me out.  My boys are chipping in more and are such great helpers.  I'm so excited about my new Good Morning Girls accountability/Bible study/prayer group.  I'm also an obsessive planner, so that helps too.  I'm hanging on to God with all I have, trusting Him to give me the strength and wisdom to get through this very un-simplified season of my life.  With Him, I know I'll make it!

Summer, Laundry, and the OMG Class

Wow.  No other words come to mind as I look back on the last five weeks...except maybe boot camp.  I can see why this class earned the nickname "the OMG class" - oh my goodness how did I make it through that class?

I made it by the grace of God and nothing else.  Thursday I finished the hardest class of my life with my first B ever and officially moved on in the dental hygiene program.  It was brutal.  I shed many tears the past five weeks.  I questioned my sanity and why I decided to do this in the first place.  I was barely keeping my head above water as I attempted to balance work, classes, studying, family and home.  "Home" got the short end of the stick, so on my few days off before fall, I'm going to give it some TLC and catch up on laundry and cleaning.

I'm also looking forward to lots of fun time with my boys.  Thursday night we snuggled up together to watch "Phineus and Ferb. "  Last night we made English muffin pizzas when I got home from work.  Today I'm hoping to squeeze in some geocaching.  They just a couple of more weeks before homeschooling starts anew, so we're going to have some last-minute summer fun while we still can.

Unfortunately my Hello Mornings time and my Hide His Word efforts also got the short end of the stick.  My times were very short.  I feel drained and exhausted mentally spiritually and look forward to spending lots of time in my Ephesians study and my Psalm 143 memorization during the next few days.  I also need to figure out how to make things work better, like my quiet time and my housework plans.  Fall is said to be much easier than summer but I know that none of it will be easy.

Keeping My Head Above Water

That's pretty much all I can do right now.  This class is a killer!  Everyone assures me that school gets much easier after this...my word, it has to, or there would be no dental hygienists!

I have been missing in action from my blog recently, and unfortunately, that's going to be the norm for the next two weeks until this class is over.  After that, I hope to get back into a schedule.  Two weeks - eight classes - three more tests - can I ignore that last part?  It's just one more hurtle on the way to my dream...

One Week Down...

One week of dental hygiene school is now behind me.  I thought I was ready.  To a certain extent, I was, but wow - this is even harder than I expected.  The class is intense - think of it as anatomy and physiology on steroids.  The pace is frantic.  The stress is massive.  I'm still reeling from this week, preparing for my first test (Monday) followed immediately by my second test (lab, on Tuesday), and trying to figure out how to balance full-time school with almost full-time work and still have a life somewhere in there.

Thank goodness for blogging!  I'm so glad I have an outlet.  I can talk about school, or I can avoid the topic altogether...which is probably what I'll do the most, since it consumes pretty much every waking moment.  Sometimes I just want a break from it.  I've been so scattered with my blogging lately, but I promise, I am working to get it all together.

Right now, my major focus is going to be on consistency with two things: Working with Delight on Mondays (all about being a Christian working mom) and Faith Lived Out on Fridays.  I've dabbled with having a second blog called Faith Lived Out, but juggling two blogs with everything else is too much, so I'm combining them by making it a weekly feature on this blog.  More so now than ever, I feel like I'm focusing in on exactly who I am and what I want to share when it comes to blogging, and I can't wait to bring it all into my blog.

On that note: During the craziness of my summer class, I'm looking for guest bloggers for Working with Delight.  If you're a Christian working mom and you'd like to guest post, please drop me an email at amandablogs79(at)yahoo(dot)com.  You can write on any topic you choose related to being a CWM - how you balance it all, time saving tips, the best advice you've received, a devotional, books or other resources that have helped you out, etc.  I need guest posts for August 1st and August 8th.  I have a great guest post lined up for next week - I can't wait!

Weird, Wild and Wacky

That pretty much sums up my week...its been absolutely bizzare!  All my schedules and plans have been thrown totally off track this week, it seems.

I'm one of two managers at the gym where I work.  The two of us split the responsibilities and get a LOT of things done each week.  Well, this week the other manager is taking a much deserved week long vacation, so I'm trying to cover some of her work, as well as my own.  If anyone has perfected the art of cloning, now is the time to let me know...I need multiples of me right now!  Today I'll do everything from membership sales appointments to first workouts to inventory and the daily deposit.  Definitely a wild week...

Its also coming down to crunch time for college deadlines.  Tomorrow I have to pay my tuition for my summer class, to the tune of $600...ouch.  Today I have to order my lab coats and name tags.  I ordered yet another book yesterday for fall.  That gives me 4 of the 8 books I need.  The remaining books need to be ordered by mid- July so I don't have to pay extra for rush shipping.

Throw in the fact that my husband is working on a mega church event for Saturday.  We're having our annual Freedom Celebration, which includes a big car and motorcycle show.  Its a ton of fun, but you can see that this is definitely not a boring week.

Yesterday brought major excitement, too, as my baby lost his first tooth.  As I write this (via my Droid X...gotta love technology) I'm waiting for him to get up and discover what the tooth fairy brought.  I love being a mom.  And that ends today's totally random post...  (For the record, one last random thought - I always tell people that my brain jumps from topic to topic - my husband tells me it works in spurts - I'm not convinced he's wrong...lol.)

T-Minus Four Weeks and Counting...

It's coming much faster than I expected it to...four weeks from today I'll begin the killer summer class in the dental hygiene program - Orofacial Anatomy, Histology, and Embryology.  My books arrived, and so did my first patient, although I won't actually work on him until the fall...

For the record...yes, he is upside down.  In my excitement, I snapped the first photo I could and posted it on Facebook, where it was pointed out to me...and where the director of the dental hygiene program saw it.  She thought it was hysterical.
I'm excited.  I'm terrified.  I'm wishing these last four weeks would last forever, and I'm wishing they would hurry by.  My life and my schedule will make a radical shift when that first class day rolls around.  My family's financial stability will take a leap when I walk across that stage and get my diploma in two years, ready to launch a new career.  My first career, really - not just a job, but a lifelong pursuit.  I want this so bad.

I'm waiting.  I'm praying.  I'm hoping.  I'm shaking in my boots.  I'm ready.

Top 10 Signs You're Not a "Traditional" College Student (a.k.a. Signs You're Too Old for College)

1. You ask if you have the right classroom, and the kid who answers calls you "ma'am."
2. You wonder who has more gray hair - you or your professor.
3. You feel awkward calling your professor "Mr." because he's the same age as you.
4. While the other students talk about tanning and their weekend plans, you find other moms and discuss breastfeeding and tee ball games.
5. The students around you put their assignments into their iPads, while you pull out your paper day planner.
6. You cringe when you write your tuition check.
7. You have to call tech support to be able to check your student email account.
8. Your car is older than some of the students on campus.
9. You realize that when you got married, most of your classmates were in elementary school.
10. Reality hits when you realize that in just a few years, your own children could be sittting in the same classroom you're in.

9 Weeks to Get It Together

Nine weeks.  It's all I have left until I start the dental hygiene program and become pretty much a full-time student.  Nine weeks until I juggle being in class or clinicals for 20 hours a week with being at work 30 hours a week, in addition to my family, home, and church.  It's exciting.  It's terrifying. It's overwhelming.

I have so much I want to get done during these next nine weeks.  There are so many things I want to accomplish and so many projects I want to finish.  Here are my goals:

1. Master the art of couponing - okay, I may not master it, but I'd like to figure it out enough to cut my grocery bill in half every week.  All that extra money can help me pay for books and supplies.
2. Work through Sarah Mae's "31 Days to Clean" ebook - we're going to have to be super-organized to manage this, and I want my house ready.
3. Finish the Bible in 90 Days challenge - I am woefully behind, but I know I can still catch up and finish on time.
4. Read Ted Dekker's new book, The Priest's Graveyard, because he's my favorite author and it will be the last book (other than textbooks) that I'll be able to read for a long time.
5. Have a yard sale.  It won't be very big, but again, any extra money will help.  My supplies are going to cost double what I expected.

It's going to be a busy nine weeks, but I'm ready.  I'm so excited about my journey that begins in July!

Although this wasn't specifically a Working Mommy Wednesday post, I felt that it went along well with this week's prompts.  I have a lot of goals, but this week my focus is going to be on "31 Days to Clean" and getting my house neat and organized!  My simple goal for the week is to do the challenges each day.

A Huge Blessing

I love the upbeat prompts for this week's Working Mommy Wednesday...

#1. This week, I've been blessed by...



#2. My best physical feature is...

The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster.  On April 1, we received work that my husband's 88 year old grandfather would probably not live more than two days.  On April 2, I received my long awaited acceptance letter to dental hygiene school, and on April 3, Robby's grandfather went home.  I missed an entire week of work as we made the 13 hour drive to Missouri and back for the funeral.

When I got back to work on Saturday, this is what I found...

The members, and my coworkers, at my gym are truly amazing.  They have been my cheerleaders as I struggled with the decision of whether or not to back to school, dealt with the reality of going back to school at age 30, and the four month wait between turning in my application and getting my acceptance letter.  Now, they are celebrating with me.  I already have people volunteering to be my patients when I start clinicals, and I have the promises of many (much needed) prayers while I attempt to balance everything.  These women are awesome, and they are all a huge blessing to me!

A Dream Becomes Reality

It was a day late...but today is the day I dreamed of.  I received my acceptance letter for the dental hygiene program.  I'm so excited!  This is the beginning of a new life for me and my family - a new career (once I graduate), more stability, more flexibility.  I've worked so hard for this.

Now the stress begins...along with my acceptance letter is a three page list of deposits due, supplies to purchase, dates to meet for advisement, shots to get, and more.  The supplies with the costs listed equal $1,400 - that's before books, tuition, uniforms, blood pressure cuffs, and stethoscopes.  I have to buy all of my own supplies for the program, so it's definitely going to be a financial burden for us for a while.  Not to mention balancing my almost-full-time college schedule with an almost-full-time job as a manager.  But I know it will pay off.

I'm thinking seriously about framing that acceptance letter...

Today Is The Day That Could Change Everything

Today is the day I've worked for and waited for.  It's the day I've waited over a year for as I studied and took classes.  Today is the day my letter should arrive telling me whether or not I've been accepted into dental hygiene school.  I'm excited and I'm terrified.

This is the day that could change everything.  Getting into the program, and launching a new career when I graduate in just over two years, will change our lives.  It will mean a great, stable, flexible career and a salary three times what I earn now.  It means so much to me and my family.  So I wait on pins and needles, hoping nothing gets delayed and I learn my fate today...

I Thought the Chaos Was Over...

I thought things would calm down after Christmas.  After all, I'm out of college for a few months, all of our Christmas activities and parties are over, and everything should be settling down.  I told myself I'd have time to read lots of books, deep clean and organize my house, start running again, and relax more..so what happened?

January has been chaotic for us!  When you work at a gym, it has a tendency to be a busy month.  Pair that with a death in a co-workers family, switching over to a new software program, and adding even more new classes to our new Zumba workouts, and it's been totally insane.  It's a good kind of crazy - a "business is booming" kind of crazy - but crazy nonetheless.  I'm coming home from work every night exhausted.

Actually, I'm beginning to wonder how I did anything else when I was in college...I think that's because I'm scheduling all the appointments and errands I put off during college.  Long overdue appointments for the doctor and for new contacts and glasses, shopping for things we've needed for months, and generally playing catch-up on life.

I am trying to slow down and enjoy things a little more, though.  I'm playing Band Hero (a family Christmas gift) with my kids (and playing some mean lead guitar if I do say so myself!).  I have gotten a lot of reading done (when I should have been cleaning the house).  And of course, I'm catching up on all those appointments.  At least it keeps me occupied as I wait for those letters to go out from the dental hygiene program.  March seems so far away right now.

Exhaustion...

This semester is eating my lunch.  I knew from the beginning of January that this fall would be my hardest semester, but I'm still surprised by just how hard it is for me to juggle everything.

The classes are hard and require lots of homework and hours of studying.  I'm still helping my husband at our church-  we were there until 11:00 last night-  and I'm still teaching children's church-  although I haven't even looked at my lesson this week.  I have to get to the church early today to get my lesson ready.  Lots of changes are taking place at work...they are great changes, much needed changes, and I'm very happy about them, but it brings stress nonetheless.  Even my normal relaxation and planning times have disappeared-  I have to get groceries on Sunday afternoons now instead of Monday mornings.

It's exhausting.  My husband has no idea how tired I really am...I don’t think many people understand.  It's bone numbing exhaustion.  Its walking around like a zombie exhaustion.  The only thing I can compare it to is the exhaustion I felt after my sons were born, those first three or four months before they started sleeping through the night.  If I sit still for five minutes, I'm falling asleep.

Once this semester is over, I'll have a seven month break before the dental hygiene program begins...I can't wait!  I will need every minute of it to recover from this first year back at school.

A happy kind of exhausted

I am completely exhausted tonight, but its a happy kind of exhausted.  I put in a very long, very full, and very productive day.

I'm getting into my new college routine, and my classes are going pretty well so far.  I had an extremely busy night at work, which was great because we were doing a lot of business.  Best of all, I came home to dinner with my family, and my two precious boys helped me clean up the kitchen.

I don't mind feeling tired on a day like this.  I may be worn out, but I got that way because I got a lot accomplished.  I can go to bed feeling good about the day, looking forward to what tomorrow holds.

Finally!

Wow, what a crazy month I've had...I'm so glad that my summer class is over!  I knew it would be intense, but I really didn't know what "intense" meant until I did this class.  Honestly, I thought I could keep up with my blog - after all, it's just five weeks.  Well, obviously from my blogging the past few weeks, that wasn't the case.

Of course, it wasn't just summer school...it was summer school, plus my job, plus heading up Vacation Bible School, plus teaching children's church every Sunday...  I have a hard time saying "no" if you haven't figured that out already!  I guess it's no such much saying "no" as it is not wanting to give up the things I love doing in life.  I'll stick with what I love, no matter how much of a juggling act it brings.

It's such a relief to be done with this class and to be one step closer to applying for hygiene school.  I'm so grateful to be getting back to normal and to have a little downtime to relax before school starts again on the 23rd.  I'm going to get back into my normal blogging scheudule...and to my normal life schedule!

Things Will Be Different This Time

My summer has flown by…I can tell school is getting close because I'm starting to get into panic mode. I know, summer is just getting started for most people, but I'm taking a class in Summer II, so mine is coming to a close. It's been a nice break, and a part of me hates to see it end, but part of me is glad to get back to class. Each semester brings me one step closer to my goal of becoming a dental hygienist.


I'm not as freaked out as I was before I started the spring semester, which was my first semester back in college in 10 years. I know more of what to expect this time. But nonetheless, I'm freaking out a little. I'm getting my note pages printed off the class website, getting my books and student ID and Scan-Tron forms together, and trying to make sure the house isn't too chaotic (even though I know it will be total chaos by finals week).

One thing that's different about this is semester is that I already know what I'll miss the most…I'll miss the time with my kids. Once school starts, I'll be working, in class, or studying pretty much 24/7. If I'm not at work or in class, my nose will be buried in my notes or my books. Even though, in the long run, I'm doing this so I can make more money while working fewer hours and having more time for my kids, in the short term, it's hard for all of us. It's hard for Robby, who shoulders a lot of extra responsibility while school consumes my time. It's hard for the kids, who don't get to see me as much they're used to. It's hard for me to juggle it all, including the guilt I know will be inevitable.

But another thing that's different about this semester is that I know I'll make it. Will it be hard? Yes. Will I feel like I'm drowning sometimes? Absolutely. Will I question my sanity? Often. But I'll make it. We'll make it. The kids will study while I study. They'll see that education and hard work are important to me and to our family. They'll see that reaching your goals takes sacrifice. We'll all learn a lot of lessons, and I think the most important ones have nothing to do with the classes I'm getting credits for…we'll learn the most important ones as we juggle this crazy life together, as a family. I'm so grateful to have them with me on this crazy journey through life.

A Typical Week in the Life of a Wannabe Supermom

I was on a pastor's wives message board earlier and several of us who are in college have been posting about how crazy and hectic life if right now. I wanted to share a little about my typical week...


Monday:

Up at 7:00 a.m. today to study, get ready and head for the grocery store. As soon as I get back, I unload and put everything up, get lunch ready, eat, and head to work for a 2:00 p.m. manager's meeting. After the meeting, it's off to my anatomy and physiology class. After class, I head back to work, finally heading home at 8:00 p.m. to watch 24 with my husband. (It's last season - what I do without it? Time to buy all 8 seasons on DVD…) Then I look over my class notes and head to bed.

Tuesday:

Up at 6:00 a.m. again to get ready for the day. I throw some laundry in and get lunch together and put it in the fridge for the guys before I head out the door for work. Tuesday is my paperwork day at work, so I spend most of the morning at the desk taking care of my managerial stuff before I head out the door at 1:00 p.m. to go to sociology class. After class it's back to work for 3 hours, where I squeeze in a workout, then head home to cook dinner and stay up late studying (since I can sleep in tomorrow).

Wednesday:

I sleep in today, getting up at 7:00 a.m. I try to get some stuff done at the house, including laundry, before we head to the church around 9:30 or 10:00 a.m. We spend the day working at the church - I help Robby type his sermons - and grab something from the drive thru or eat leftovers for lunch. I leave at 2:45 for my anatomy and physiology class, then head back to the church to do a couple of more things to get ready for that night. After church, we head home for a quick dinner, then everyone is rushed off to bed - tomorrow will be a hectic day.

Thursday:

My earliest and longest day…up at 5:00 a.m. to get ready for work. I have to open at 7:00 a.m. so I need to be there by 6:45. I leave the house at 6:25 and work until 1:00 p.m., when I leave for my sociology class. After class, I go back to work until 7:00 p.m., close up, go home, and crash on the couch - I'll study over the weekend.

Friday:

My earliest class of the week is my 8:00 a.m. anatomy and physiology lab today. After class, it's off to work. On my lunch break, I head to the local library with my laptop to do online sociology assignments and to work on my blog and unwind a little. I head back to work from 4:00 until 6:30, then it's home for the weekend! After cooking dinner and putting the kids in bed, I study until I crash into bed at 11:30 or 12:00.

Saturday:

Saturday used to be my sleep in day, but not since tee ball season started! I get up at 6:00 a.m. and get ready before I get my husband up at 7:00 and the kids at 7:30. We have to be at the ball field at 8:30 for a 9:00 game. We have a blast - it's so fun watching these four and five year olds play ball! After the game it's on to the church to spend the day getting ready for Sunday. We usually eat at one of our favorite restaurants for lunch - it's become a Saturday tradition! I also spend some time blogging and Facebooking while Robby gets his thoughts together. We usually get home late, eat dinner, and everyone heads to bed…except me. I stay up studying.

Sunday:

Up at 6:00 a.m. to iron clothes and get everyone ready for church. I get to the church a little early, at 9:00 a.m., to put the finishing touches on my Kids BLAST lesson. I update my blog and check my Facebook page before I head over to our Family Life Center to teach children's church.

After church we go home for lunch. The kids play after lunch while I do laundry and plan my menu and shopping list for the week, and if I'm lucky (which is rare) I'll take a short nap. We head back to the church around 4:30 p.m., where I check for online sociology assignments while Robby studies his sermon for that night. On the first Sunday of each month, we have a leadership meeting at 5:00 p.m. to plan out the next two months worth of activities at church. After the evening service, we head home to get ready for the next day. After dinner, I get the kids in bed, make sure everyone's clothes are ready for the next day, and study before I head to bed at 11:00 p.m.

Running on Empty

I am completely and totally exhausted. I think it really started when we came back from spring break and hit the ground running, getting ready for Easter, and I still hadn't really recovered from Easter when I had a round of major tests and some major work stress. This week I'm registering for summer and fall classes and have a couple of major projects at work...now it's all really catching up with me.

When I was making a decision about whether or not to go back to college, I asked a lot of people who had gone back as older students about it. They all encouraged it, but one coworker gave me wonderful, honest advice - "You can do it, but it's going to be really hard, and the one who will suffer the most is you, especially your health." I appreciated her honesty, and I'm finding out just how right she was. The lack of sleep and stress are definitely taking a toll on me. I got sick right after spring break - and I rarely get sick - and am really just now recuperating from it. But the thing is, no matter how hard it is, I don't regret it…I know that I made the right decision.

Thankfully, I'm just three weeks away from finishing out the semester, and I'll get about two months off before resuming classes for the second summer term. I plan on taking some time to clean and organize my neglected house, spend lots of time with my family, and check out a lot of really good books from the library. Giving the house a good spring cleaning and getting more organized will make me feel much better when July rolls around (so I can spend six intense weeks focusing on anatomy and physiology part two) and I'll have a chance to recharge my batteries by spending time on the things I love. I'm looking forward to it!

My new normal - how it's all going

Wow - it's hard to believe I've been in college for a month already! It's flown by. I was so terrified at the start of this while thing. I said back then that I was stepping out on very shaky legs of faith, but now I'm really glad I took those first trembling steps.


So, how's it all going? For the first two weeks, I was in survival mode, focusing only on studying, working, and keeping our house from dissolving into complete chaos, while all the while struggling to keep from falling flat on my face in exhaustion. I was dealing with the awkwardness of being an older student, surrounded by kids fresh out of high school who were giggling over their anatomy textbooks and calling me "ma'am" when I asked them a question.

By the third week, I was settling into my routine a little more and starting to work out again. The fourth week brought my first test, in anatomy and physiology - and much to my delight, I ended up with the highest grade of all my professors classes. I can't tell you how much that meant to me! It gave me such a huge confidence boost. When I found out what I made, in that moment, I really told myself for the first time, "I can do this. I really can do this, 10 years out of college, with a husband and two kids and a job and a ministry. It's real."

Now I have to brag - my family, and especially my husband, have been absolutely amazing through this huge transition. My oldest son has really stepped up to the plate, helping out more, without being asked! But my husband…I married Mr. Incredible! (Actually, we hear all the time that he looks just like him, so I really did!) Robby is my study buddy, my biggest fan and cheerleader, the one who always tells me, "You can do this." He's taken on more responsibility around the house and is always finding ways to take pressure off of me and give me more study time. He is the greatest man ever! I could never do this without him. I love you, Robby!