A few words broke this momma's heart last week. We were all in the car, and we were talking about marriage and how we hope our boys don't marry too young. I was telling the boys that it's important for them to finish college and get a good job before they get married so they can take care of their family. My six year old said, "I don't think I'll like college." I asked why not. He replied, "Because you have to be away from your family for five or six days."
It hurt so much it might as well have been a knife in my heart. My husband immediately looked over at me. He knew it hit me hard. He assured me that Spencer didn't really mean anything by it. I grabbed for a tissue in my purse, hiding my tears from my kids. Even now, a few days later, it still makes my heart ache to think about it.
I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I'm doing exactly what God wants me to be doing right now. That doesn't make this road an easy one, though. I miss my kids when I'm away from home all day. When I want to just go home after classes, I have to go to work, because we still have to pay our bills, including my tuition. When I get home, exhausted beyond words, and want to just relax and have fun with my family, I have to study and do homework and cook dinner and wash clothes. On the weekends, I struggle to play catch up, getting groceries and doing housework, and studying - always studying.
This weekend, I tried to remind the kids of why I'm going back to school. I was off work, so I took them to a friend's birthday party. They went grocery shopping with me. They watched cartoons and skateboarded and played in the backyard while I did housework. We had dinner together as a family. They told me how much they loved our weekend. I reminded them that one reason I decided to go back to school is time with them. When I graduate and start my new career, I'll be home by 6:00 every night (instead of 8:00) and I'll never have to work weekends. I'll have lots more time off, more flexibility, and more money. I reminded them that it will be worth it. Hearing the joy in Spencer's voice when he realized that this isn't forever started to heal the ache in my heart.
I have to remind myself of that a lot. I have to sacrifice now to make things better in the long run. The sacrifices are hard, and they hurt. All I can do is cling even tighter to God and trust in His strength to see me through. It will be worth it all in the end.
It hurt so much it might as well have been a knife in my heart. My husband immediately looked over at me. He knew it hit me hard. He assured me that Spencer didn't really mean anything by it. I grabbed for a tissue in my purse, hiding my tears from my kids. Even now, a few days later, it still makes my heart ache to think about it.
I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I'm doing exactly what God wants me to be doing right now. That doesn't make this road an easy one, though. I miss my kids when I'm away from home all day. When I want to just go home after classes, I have to go to work, because we still have to pay our bills, including my tuition. When I get home, exhausted beyond words, and want to just relax and have fun with my family, I have to study and do homework and cook dinner and wash clothes. On the weekends, I struggle to play catch up, getting groceries and doing housework, and studying - always studying.
This weekend, I tried to remind the kids of why I'm going back to school. I was off work, so I took them to a friend's birthday party. They went grocery shopping with me. They watched cartoons and skateboarded and played in the backyard while I did housework. We had dinner together as a family. They told me how much they loved our weekend. I reminded them that one reason I decided to go back to school is time with them. When I graduate and start my new career, I'll be home by 6:00 every night (instead of 8:00) and I'll never have to work weekends. I'll have lots more time off, more flexibility, and more money. I reminded them that it will be worth it. Hearing the joy in Spencer's voice when he realized that this isn't forever started to heal the ache in my heart.
I have to remind myself of that a lot. I have to sacrifice now to make things better in the long run. The sacrifices are hard, and they hurt. All I can do is cling even tighter to God and trust in His strength to see me through. It will be worth it all in the end.
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4 comments:
ooohhhh, honey...
*hugs*
I am glad that he is able to see that this is just a temporary thing... but...
my heart hurts for you. :(
It's just a season, and not all seasons -- even the God willed ones, are easy.
I am so sorry.
{{hugs}} - keep in mind that this stage is not forever, and the end result is SO worth working towards!
That is really hard :( It breaks my heart too when my kids say they wish they could stay with me or come to work with me. But I remind myself of the same things you do--that it's temporary sacrifices for long-term gain that will benefit your children and their future. Hugs to you!
I wish I could give you a big hug! It will definitely be worth it some day. You make me thankful to have a career that brings me home by 6pm. Big hug!!!
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