Just What I Needed

The past few days have been amazing.  Today the fun and relaxation ends, and its back to reality, but this short break has been just what I needed to give me the 'second wind' I need for finals week.

I had both school and work Monday and Tuesday, but from Wednesday on, I had neither.  Tuesday my youngest was at the doctor's office - they thought he was in the beginning stages of strep. So we took it easy this week, staying home almost the entire time.  He's feeling like his old self again now, thankfully.

Wednesday I stayed home and cleaned house while Robby visited church members in the hospital.  When he got back, the boys stayed with him while I bought groceries and picked up our smoked turkey.  I spent the rest of the day cleaning, cooking and prepping for Thanksgiving, and watching movies.  (Unknown was awesome!  The kids saw Rio and Spy Kids 4.)

Thursday we ate, slept, and watched movies.  (Soul Surfer this time.)  At 8:00 p.m. we left home for the madness of Black Friday. Robby and the boys got home at 1:00 a.m. and went to bed.  I slept for an hour and a half in the truck outside of JC Penney, waiting for them to open, and got home at 7:00 a.m.  It was wild!  A few highlights: from Penney's - a cashmere-blend pea coat (originally $200 - I paid $50) and boots (originally $100 - I paid $30); from Walmart - tons of toys, DVD's and video games, including 4 seasons of my all-time favorite TV show, 24, for $10 each, and Scentsy-style wax warmers for $9; and from Target, video game chairs for the boys for $32 each.

We got almost all of our shopping done for the boys, and got lots of stuff for our house too.  We spend a lot of money on Black Friday, but we plan for it every year because it saves us so much money.  Its really fun, too - I guess its the ultimate shopping trip for a bargain hunter like me.

Yesterday we slept (a lot) and watched another movie (RED).  I also finished a book I was reading (The Brotherhood by Jerry Jenkins).  Today its back to reality - buy groceries, clean, do laundry, work on school assignments, study.  I'm ready to wrap up this semester and get to Christmas break!

It's Just a Season

There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven...

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Life is full of seasons.  There are seasons of new beginnings, like marriage and the birth of babies.  There are seasons of transitions, like starting or leaving a job or moving to a new town.  There are easy and hard seasons, seasons you enjoy and seasons you can't wait to see pass.

This is a strange season for me.  It's exciting, because I'm following my dreams and transitioning into a new phase in my life.  It's hard, because, honestly, going through dental hygiene school while working and raising a family is the hardest thing I've ever done.  It's frustrating, because it's hard balancing my roles as a wife, mom, manager, and student. 

It's a season of tears and joys, highs and lows, exhaustion and exasperation.  It's a season of questioning my decisions (and my sanity).  It's a season of wondering if it's all going to pay off or all go up in smoke.  It's a season of pushing myself beyond what I ever dreamed I was capable of, then having to dig down deep and push myself more.  It's a season of begging God for fresh strength every day, several times a day, and learning to rely on Him like never before.

Right now, I'm focusing on finishing this semester strong.  I only have six weeks left, then I get a month off for Christmas break.  I'm looking forward to relaxing with my family, reading some books, and maybe working on a couple of crafty projects.  We'll probably watch some movies, maybe take a mini-vacation, and just enjoy time together.  We'll all need it, because my spring semester will be the hardest of the entire dental hygiene program.

The Many Sides of Motherhood

Some days a mom just needs some extra encouragement...this past week, it came from my blogging friend MommaKristi.  We had some lists going on Twitter this week, and between the two of us, we came up with a good list of the many sides of motherhood in this season of my life...

Don't you love it when God sends you just what you need, just when you need it most?  Thanks, Kristi!

When Motivation Just Isn't There

I don’t want to do anything right now.  Nothing.  Not housework.  Not studying.  Not exercise.  Nothing.  Except maybe crashing on the couch and mindlessly watching TV.  I have zero motivation.  Even my eating habits have slipped this week, and the scale shows it.

This has been a very long and tiring week, and it still isn't over.  I think that's probably the reason behind my strong urge to do nothing.  I'm exhausted, stressed, and hormonal - not a good combination.  I'm also feeling pretty overwhelmed.  When I feel overloaded I sometimes want to procrastinate, not knowing where to start.

Thankfully my Good Morning Girls group begins Monday.  I'm looking forward to their support and encouragement, and our Bible study on 1 John.  My 5k is just weeks away, so I'm going to make myself get back on track with my training.  I'm going to keep tackling college one day, one class, one assignment at a time.  I'll get there, slow and steady.  I'll find my motivation day by day as I dig in and keep going.

When Your Heart Breaks...

A few words broke this momma's heart last week. We were all in the car, and we were talking about marriage and how we hope our boys don't marry too young. I was telling the boys that it's important for them to finish college and get a good job before they get married so they can take care of their family. My six year old said, "I don't think I'll like college." I asked why not. He replied, "Because you have to be away from your family for five or six days."
It hurt so much it might as well have been a knife in my heart. My husband immediately looked over at me. He knew it hit me hard. He assured me that Spencer didn't really mean anything by it. I grabbed for a tissue in my purse, hiding my tears from my kids. Even now, a few days later, it still makes my heart ache to think about it.
I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I'm doing exactly what God wants me to be doing right now. That doesn't make this road an easy one, though. I miss my kids when I'm away from home all day. When I want to just go home after classes, I have to go to work, because we still have to pay our bills, including my tuition. When I get home, exhausted beyond words, and want to just relax and have fun with my family, I have to study and do homework and cook dinner and wash clothes. On the weekends, I struggle to play catch up, getting groceries and doing housework, and studying - always studying.
This weekend, I tried to remind the kids of why I'm going back to school. I was off work, so I took them to a friend's birthday party. They went grocery shopping with me. They watched cartoons and skateboarded and played in the backyard while I did housework. We had dinner together as a family. They told me how much they loved our weekend. I reminded them that one reason I decided to go back to school is time with them. When I graduate and start my new career, I'll be home by 6:00 every night (instead of 8:00) and I'll never have to work weekends. I'll have lots more time off, more flexibility, and more money. I reminded them that it will be worth it. Hearing the joy in Spencer's voice when he realized that this isn't forever started to heal the ache in my heart.
I have to remind myself of that a lot. I have to sacrifice now to make things better in the long run. The sacrifices are hard, and they hurt. All I can do is cling even tighter to God and trust in His strength to see me through. It will be worth it all in the end.

When Living Simply Isn't So Simple

Simplify.  Just saying the word makes me feel more relaxed.  I see myself with less to do, less to worry about, and more time to relax.  I see myself sipping raspberry lemonade on a private beach...okay, that's just wishful thinking, but you get the point.

But what happens when you're at a place in your life where you can't simplify?  What happens when you have too many irons in the fire, but you can't take anything out or it will all fall apart?  That's where I am now.

Work is going well - extremely well, in fact.  We've worked hard to get it there, and we're going to have to work harder to keep it moving in the right direction.

School is great.  It's amazing.  I love it, and I know that dental hygiene is the career I was made for.  It's a perfect fit for me.  It's also extremely demanding: five classes, required community service hours, numerous online assignments, a group project, rotations in senior clinic, choosing a topic for my freshman research project, two case studies, a patients education simulation, and finding my own patients to meet radiology requirements...and that's just this semester!

A lot of the girls in the program have already quit their jobs, but that's not an option for me...and honestly, I wouldn't want to even if it was an an option.  I enjoy my job, and most of my patients on my list are work contacts.  Cutting my hours back would be great, but that's not an option either.

Simplicity is not an option for me right now.  That won't come until I start my new career in 2013.  So I try to juggle and find all the support I can get.  My husband is my biggest fan - he does all he can to help me out.  My boys are chipping in more and are such great helpers.  I'm so excited about my new Good Morning Girls accountability/Bible study/prayer group.  I'm also an obsessive planner, so that helps too.  I'm hanging on to God with all I have, trusting Him to give me the strength and wisdom to get through this very un-simplified season of my life.  With Him, I know I'll make it!

Facing The Challenges

#1. A Christmas memory... from this year or years past.

#2. Biggest challenge you face this year

I'm really excited about this year, but it will definitely have it's challenges....

One of the biggest challenges for me will be balance and priorities.  If I'm accepted into dental hygiene school this year, I'll be juggling school (just shy of full time) and work (just shy of full time), so it's going to be pretty crazy.  Keeping my priorities in line will be hard.  Making sure my family gets the time and attention they need, keeping the gym I manage running smoothly, taking care of myself with daily workouts and quiet time with God, keeping my grades up, and managing our home will be almost impossible.  It will be a daily juggling act, and I'm sure I will make a lot of mistakes, but I'll just have to keep trying until I figure it out.

Another major challenge is the one that I face with my parents.  I shared recently about my parents marriage problems and my mom's addictions.  It's one of the most challenging things I've ever faced, and I've really been struggling with it.  It seems that every time I start to wrap my mind and emotions around one thing that's happened, something new surfaces, and it throws me for a loop all over again.  I don't know what to believe anymore.  It's a daily battle for me, and it's something that I'm having to put into God's hands, little by little, day by day.  I never thought I would find myself or my family in a situation like this.  The words of the new Superchick song, Still Here, sum it up for me -

Still here, staggering on, through the impossible

We remain, I can breathe one more day,

Still here, still fighting on, all we have is today,

Find my way to the beauty of one more day,

Still here....

One thing I've learned throughout my life, though, is that God will be with me through it all.  Despite the challenges I know I'll face, I'm looking forward to 2011.  I know that I'll grow through the hard times, and I'll come out of it better.

The end of a long year

Normally I would post something for Tasty Tuesday, but today is a special day, so I'm going in a different direction.  Today I finish my last class of a very tough semester.  Today I begin a seven month break before dental hygiene school starts.  I am so excited that this semester, this year of taking prerequisites, is over.  I'm already making plans to catch up on all the things I didn't have enough time for during college...

1.  More family time - playing games, watching movies, going places together, geocaching, and more

2.  Time to read - Ted Dekker's latest is at the top of my list, plus I have several new authors I want to check out

3.  Time to cook and experiment with new recipes - we're all tired of the convenience food we've been living off of lately

4.  Less stress and time to unwind

5.  More sleep

I can't wait!  My microbiology final begins at 8:00 a.m., and once it's over, I'm a free woman!

It all comes down to this...

Today's the day...my future depends on the contents of this folder.  It represents a year of hard work, stress and tears, not to mention thousands of dollars invested.  It holds the key to a new career, a new world that could open up for me, if I get in.  Its my application to dental hygiene school.

I am absolutely terrified as I prepare to turn my application in.  I really, really want this.  But I also know there are 150 other people wanting one of the 32 spots available in the program.  I'm also well aware of what getting in means...a two year commitment to a very stressful program, investing thousands of dollars, and heaping more on my plate than I can really handle - but having to juggle it anyway.

The changes this will bring to me and family are huge.  I also know what the payout will mean when I finish...a great job with very little stress, a salary triple what I now earn, four day work weeks, and getting home to my family at an earlier hour every night.

So today as I hand in my application, my stomach is in knots.  It will be months before I find out whether or not I get in.  It all depends on the contents of this folder...the application that could change my life forever.

Exhaustion...

This semester is eating my lunch.  I knew from the beginning of January that this fall would be my hardest semester, but I'm still surprised by just how hard it is for me to juggle everything.

The classes are hard and require lots of homework and hours of studying.  I'm still helping my husband at our church-  we were there until 11:00 last night-  and I'm still teaching children's church-  although I haven't even looked at my lesson this week.  I have to get to the church early today to get my lesson ready.  Lots of changes are taking place at work...they are great changes, much needed changes, and I'm very happy about them, but it brings stress nonetheless.  Even my normal relaxation and planning times have disappeared-  I have to get groceries on Sunday afternoons now instead of Monday mornings.

It's exhausting.  My husband has no idea how tired I really am...I don’t think many people understand.  It's bone numbing exhaustion.  Its walking around like a zombie exhaustion.  The only thing I can compare it to is the exhaustion I felt after my sons were born, those first three or four months before they started sleeping through the night.  If I sit still for five minutes, I'm falling asleep.

Once this semester is over, I'll have a seven month break before the dental hygiene program begins...I can't wait!  I will need every minute of it to recover from this first year back at school.

A happy kind of exhausted

I am completely exhausted tonight, but its a happy kind of exhausted.  I put in a very long, very full, and very productive day.

I'm getting into my new college routine, and my classes are going pretty well so far.  I had an extremely busy night at work, which was great because we were doing a lot of business.  Best of all, I came home to dinner with my family, and my two precious boys helped me clean up the kitchen.

I don't mind feeling tired on a day like this.  I may be worn out, but I got that way because I got a lot accomplished.  I can go to bed feeling good about the day, looking forward to what tomorrow holds.

Finally!

Wow, what a crazy month I've had...I'm so glad that my summer class is over!  I knew it would be intense, but I really didn't know what "intense" meant until I did this class.  Honestly, I thought I could keep up with my blog - after all, it's just five weeks.  Well, obviously from my blogging the past few weeks, that wasn't the case.

Of course, it wasn't just summer school...it was summer school, plus my job, plus heading up Vacation Bible School, plus teaching children's church every Sunday...  I have a hard time saying "no" if you haven't figured that out already!  I guess it's no such much saying "no" as it is not wanting to give up the things I love doing in life.  I'll stick with what I love, no matter how much of a juggling act it brings.

It's such a relief to be done with this class and to be one step closer to applying for hygiene school.  I'm so grateful to be getting back to normal and to have a little downtime to relax before school starts again on the 23rd.  I'm going to get back into my normal blogging scheudule...and to my normal life schedule!

Things Will Be Different This Time

My summer has flown by…I can tell school is getting close because I'm starting to get into panic mode. I know, summer is just getting started for most people, but I'm taking a class in Summer II, so mine is coming to a close. It's been a nice break, and a part of me hates to see it end, but part of me is glad to get back to class. Each semester brings me one step closer to my goal of becoming a dental hygienist.


I'm not as freaked out as I was before I started the spring semester, which was my first semester back in college in 10 years. I know more of what to expect this time. But nonetheless, I'm freaking out a little. I'm getting my note pages printed off the class website, getting my books and student ID and Scan-Tron forms together, and trying to make sure the house isn't too chaotic (even though I know it will be total chaos by finals week).

One thing that's different about this is semester is that I already know what I'll miss the most…I'll miss the time with my kids. Once school starts, I'll be working, in class, or studying pretty much 24/7. If I'm not at work or in class, my nose will be buried in my notes or my books. Even though, in the long run, I'm doing this so I can make more money while working fewer hours and having more time for my kids, in the short term, it's hard for all of us. It's hard for Robby, who shoulders a lot of extra responsibility while school consumes my time. It's hard for the kids, who don't get to see me as much they're used to. It's hard for me to juggle it all, including the guilt I know will be inevitable.

But another thing that's different about this semester is that I know I'll make it. Will it be hard? Yes. Will I feel like I'm drowning sometimes? Absolutely. Will I question my sanity? Often. But I'll make it. We'll make it. The kids will study while I study. They'll see that education and hard work are important to me and to our family. They'll see that reaching your goals takes sacrifice. We'll all learn a lot of lessons, and I think the most important ones have nothing to do with the classes I'm getting credits for…we'll learn the most important ones as we juggle this crazy life together, as a family. I'm so grateful to have them with me on this crazy journey through life.

A Typical Week in the Life of a Wannabe Supermom

I was on a pastor's wives message board earlier and several of us who are in college have been posting about how crazy and hectic life if right now. I wanted to share a little about my typical week...


Monday:

Up at 7:00 a.m. today to study, get ready and head for the grocery store. As soon as I get back, I unload and put everything up, get lunch ready, eat, and head to work for a 2:00 p.m. manager's meeting. After the meeting, it's off to my anatomy and physiology class. After class, I head back to work, finally heading home at 8:00 p.m. to watch 24 with my husband. (It's last season - what I do without it? Time to buy all 8 seasons on DVD…) Then I look over my class notes and head to bed.

Tuesday:

Up at 6:00 a.m. again to get ready for the day. I throw some laundry in and get lunch together and put it in the fridge for the guys before I head out the door for work. Tuesday is my paperwork day at work, so I spend most of the morning at the desk taking care of my managerial stuff before I head out the door at 1:00 p.m. to go to sociology class. After class it's back to work for 3 hours, where I squeeze in a workout, then head home to cook dinner and stay up late studying (since I can sleep in tomorrow).

Wednesday:

I sleep in today, getting up at 7:00 a.m. I try to get some stuff done at the house, including laundry, before we head to the church around 9:30 or 10:00 a.m. We spend the day working at the church - I help Robby type his sermons - and grab something from the drive thru or eat leftovers for lunch. I leave at 2:45 for my anatomy and physiology class, then head back to the church to do a couple of more things to get ready for that night. After church, we head home for a quick dinner, then everyone is rushed off to bed - tomorrow will be a hectic day.

Thursday:

My earliest and longest day…up at 5:00 a.m. to get ready for work. I have to open at 7:00 a.m. so I need to be there by 6:45. I leave the house at 6:25 and work until 1:00 p.m., when I leave for my sociology class. After class, I go back to work until 7:00 p.m., close up, go home, and crash on the couch - I'll study over the weekend.

Friday:

My earliest class of the week is my 8:00 a.m. anatomy and physiology lab today. After class, it's off to work. On my lunch break, I head to the local library with my laptop to do online sociology assignments and to work on my blog and unwind a little. I head back to work from 4:00 until 6:30, then it's home for the weekend! After cooking dinner and putting the kids in bed, I study until I crash into bed at 11:30 or 12:00.

Saturday:

Saturday used to be my sleep in day, but not since tee ball season started! I get up at 6:00 a.m. and get ready before I get my husband up at 7:00 and the kids at 7:30. We have to be at the ball field at 8:30 for a 9:00 game. We have a blast - it's so fun watching these four and five year olds play ball! After the game it's on to the church to spend the day getting ready for Sunday. We usually eat at one of our favorite restaurants for lunch - it's become a Saturday tradition! I also spend some time blogging and Facebooking while Robby gets his thoughts together. We usually get home late, eat dinner, and everyone heads to bed…except me. I stay up studying.

Sunday:

Up at 6:00 a.m. to iron clothes and get everyone ready for church. I get to the church a little early, at 9:00 a.m., to put the finishing touches on my Kids BLAST lesson. I update my blog and check my Facebook page before I head over to our Family Life Center to teach children's church.

After church we go home for lunch. The kids play after lunch while I do laundry and plan my menu and shopping list for the week, and if I'm lucky (which is rare) I'll take a short nap. We head back to the church around 4:30 p.m., where I check for online sociology assignments while Robby studies his sermon for that night. On the first Sunday of each month, we have a leadership meeting at 5:00 p.m. to plan out the next two months worth of activities at church. After the evening service, we head home to get ready for the next day. After dinner, I get the kids in bed, make sure everyone's clothes are ready for the next day, and study before I head to bed at 11:00 p.m.

Running on Empty

I am completely and totally exhausted. I think it really started when we came back from spring break and hit the ground running, getting ready for Easter, and I still hadn't really recovered from Easter when I had a round of major tests and some major work stress. This week I'm registering for summer and fall classes and have a couple of major projects at work...now it's all really catching up with me.

When I was making a decision about whether or not to go back to college, I asked a lot of people who had gone back as older students about it. They all encouraged it, but one coworker gave me wonderful, honest advice - "You can do it, but it's going to be really hard, and the one who will suffer the most is you, especially your health." I appreciated her honesty, and I'm finding out just how right she was. The lack of sleep and stress are definitely taking a toll on me. I got sick right after spring break - and I rarely get sick - and am really just now recuperating from it. But the thing is, no matter how hard it is, I don't regret it…I know that I made the right decision.

Thankfully, I'm just three weeks away from finishing out the semester, and I'll get about two months off before resuming classes for the second summer term. I plan on taking some time to clean and organize my neglected house, spend lots of time with my family, and check out a lot of really good books from the library. Giving the house a good spring cleaning and getting more organized will make me feel much better when July rolls around (so I can spend six intense weeks focusing on anatomy and physiology part two) and I'll have a chance to recharge my batteries by spending time on the things I love. I'm looking forward to it!

My new normal - how it's all going

Wow - it's hard to believe I've been in college for a month already! It's flown by. I was so terrified at the start of this while thing. I said back then that I was stepping out on very shaky legs of faith, but now I'm really glad I took those first trembling steps.


So, how's it all going? For the first two weeks, I was in survival mode, focusing only on studying, working, and keeping our house from dissolving into complete chaos, while all the while struggling to keep from falling flat on my face in exhaustion. I was dealing with the awkwardness of being an older student, surrounded by kids fresh out of high school who were giggling over their anatomy textbooks and calling me "ma'am" when I asked them a question.

By the third week, I was settling into my routine a little more and starting to work out again. The fourth week brought my first test, in anatomy and physiology - and much to my delight, I ended up with the highest grade of all my professors classes. I can't tell you how much that meant to me! It gave me such a huge confidence boost. When I found out what I made, in that moment, I really told myself for the first time, "I can do this. I really can do this, 10 years out of college, with a husband and two kids and a job and a ministry. It's real."

Now I have to brag - my family, and especially my husband, have been absolutely amazing through this huge transition. My oldest son has really stepped up to the plate, helping out more, without being asked! But my husband…I married Mr. Incredible! (Actually, we hear all the time that he looks just like him, so I really did!) Robby is my study buddy, my biggest fan and cheerleader, the one who always tells me, "You can do this." He's taken on more responsibility around the house and is always finding ways to take pressure off of me and give me more study time. He is the greatest man ever! I could never do this without him. I love you, Robby!