Sabrina Fair

If you could go back to high school, what would you do differently?

I love the movie Sabrina...not the original (its okay) but the 1995 version with Harrison Ford, Greg Kinear, and Julia Ormond.  It's probably my all-time favorite movie.  The newer version came out while I was in high school, and I fell in love with it!  Most people who know me know how much I love it...few know why.  I love it because dreamed of being Sabrina.

High school was not a good time for me.  My naturally curly hair was naturally wild and frizzy most days.  As most of my classmates were getting their braces taken off, I was just getting mine put on.  I had no fashion sense.  I was painfully shy, awkward, and unsure of myself.  I was drifting away from my best friend since 6th grade.  On top of everything else, my faith was deepening, but with no youth group in the tiny church I grew up in, I felt isolated.  I think I went home crying almost every day after school.  I dreamed of being Sabrina, of growing from the ugly duckling to the graceful and beautiful swan. 

If I could do it all over, there is so much I would do differently.  I would loosen up, be myself, and put myself out there more.  I would push myself more.  I would take the A.P. classes I didn't take for fear of pulling my GPA down.  I would try out for drill team (even though I can't dance).  I wouldn't compare myself to everyone else.  I would stand up for myself more.  I would apply to be an exchange student.  I would plan to go away to college and get my own apartment.  Most of all, I wouldn't care what anyone else thought, because in the end, those high school relationships are so insignificant.  I would tell myself that while I not be Sabrina Fairchild, years after graduation, I would be a much different person and a much better person.

Journal of a Newbie Working Mom

When I wrote this journal entry, I had been working for four months after years as a stay at home mom...

Sunday, March 9, 2008

I’ve got to learn to relax. Life marches on at the same hectic pace, and lately I seem to be under a state of constant stress.


Days before I was supposed to start my new assistant manager’s job, plans changed – I was promoted to co-manager of [a location closer to my home]. I love working closer to home, and it’s still part-time, but I now have to attend twice-a-month leadership meetings, and since the club has really gone downhill the past few months, there is enormous added pressure to turn the club around. It has a lot of perks – bonuses, another raise coming up soon – but wow, how the stress levels rose!

I found awesome new curriculum from GPH for Kids BLAST. Things still need lots of work and tweaking, but its going better. It’s still a major source of stress, especially with the Easter egg hunt coming up in less than two weeks, plus I help Robby type all three of his weekly messages. I really feel like I work two jobs, because when I’m not at Curves, I’m at the church.

Bobby is nearly done with his schoolwork for the year. We’ll probably finish in late April/early May. I’m so excited about taking the summer off! We’re going to do fun stuff this summer and not start school until September.

I’m trying to streamline my schedule as much as possible, but I’m still not taking time for myself like I should. I just feel so much pressure to be perfect! I thought that ended in college…but I was wrong. I feel like Robby gets the worst end of the deal. I try so hard to be a great mom, teacher, manager, kids ministry director – and at the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I think I do good as a mom, but lousy as a wife and homemaker. I just really want to figure out how to juggle it all and still keep my sanity. I “change hats” so to speak so many times in a day it makes my head spin. How on earth do other women do it all? I do good to get in my quiet time, I rarely have time to exercise (what an example!), and time for scrapbooking is non-existent. I’ve got to figure out how to do this better! I don’t want Robby, Bobby, and Spencer to look back and remember me as a stressed out, uptight bundle of nerves.

Life With Boys

I've learned a lot from raising two boys.  They're young, but we've already had so many adventures (and disasters).  Here are some of the lessons we've learned so far...

1. When you tell your five year old to take a shower, it doesn't mean he's taking one - instead you may find him in the living room, playing Wii...naked.
2. Boys don't require soap for showers (Learned when cleaning the bathroom, realizing there's no soap in the their shower, and realizing that it hasn't been there for a week)
3. When you're traveling and your child says, "Mom, my tummy hurts," it's already too late.
4. When boys are fighting, "You wear a bra" is one of the worse insults they can say to each other.
5. Kool-Aid punch can be a discussion starter for five year olds - "It looks like blood...boys just like talking about blood and stuff."
6. Eight years olds are tramatized by seeing their mom folding her underwear (His exact reaction was, "Mom - ugh," followed by a shudder.)
7. Boys have surprisingly large vocabularies, which include words like "hostage" and "assassinate" (I wonder sometimes if we're watching too much Star Wars at our house.)
8. It is perfectly logical for a mom of boys to yell across the house, "Put your pants back, stop hitting your brother with underwear, and put the underwear back where you got it!"

It's never dull, often challenging, and I wouldn't trade it for even a second.  I love being a mama to boys!

My Special Valentines

If you want to know about my special Valentines, this picture sums it all up.  They're what makes Valentine's Day special...and Easter...and birthdays...and Christmas, and everyday life in general.  Next to my relationship with Christ, these three have influenced me more than anything or anyone else in my life.  I'm thankful for them every day.  I love you, Robby, Bobby, and Spencer!



Do I Make You Proud?

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you make them feel. - Maya Angelou

I'm amazed at the baggage that we, as women, so often carry.  I work with women every day, and I hear story after story of abuse, abandonment, failures and tragedies, but most of all, I hear stories of feeling inadequate.  I really think that all of us, to a certain extent, don't feel "good enough" - but for some women, it becomes a huge struggle and a lifelong attitude.

My job at a women's gym exposes that mentality even more.  As I train women and encourage them to meet their weight loss and health goals, I realize just how much their self-image has suffered over the years.  They have heard for so long, "You can't do it.  You'll just fail again.  You're not good enough."  I'll never forget the woman who told me when she joined, "I know I'm not pretty - I've always been told I'm ugly.  Even my mother told me that."  When I told her, "I don't think that at all - I think you're very pretty," she started crying.  I'm not sure if she had ever heard that before.

I want to help women lose weight.  I want to help them be healthier and look better.  But most of all, I want them to be proud of themselves.  When they walk in our doors, I want them to know that the people there are proud of them.  I want them to feel good about themselves.  I want them to know that this is one place where they won't be criticized, judged or put down. 

That's really my goal in life...as a pastor's wife, as a mom, as a trainer, as a person, I want the people around me to know that someone cares, that someone is proud, that someone loves them.  Everyone needs that.  I hope that's the kind of legacy I'll leave behind, because if I do, then I'll feel like I've made a real difference in the world.

20 Steps...

20 Things I Can Do To Make 2011 Better!

1. Start each day with my Bible and a cup of coffee
2. Stress less
3. Worry less
4. Eat dinner at the table with my family every night (or at least every night I don't work late)
5. Exercise every day
6. Watch less TV
7. Drink more water
8. Journal more
9. Talk less
10. Listen more
11. Take more pictures
12. Be all there - whether it's home, school, work, or church, be 100% where I am and what I'm doing
13. Spend more time connecting with friends
14. Keep a list of everything I'm thankful for
15. Get a massage every month (Not going to happen, but a girl can dream can't she?)
16. Get my home organized
17. Follow FlyLady's plan to keep my house clean and CHAOS free
18. Have more patience
19. Prioritize
20. Focus on my priorities

My Dreams For 2011

I recently posted this, and it fits so perfectly with the theme of this week's writing assignments, I had to link to it...

I'm so excited to be linking up with Walk With Him Wednesday for the first time!  The theme this week goes hand in hand with the theme for Working Mom Wednesday, so I'm linking up to both...

This year has been challenging, to say the least.  I returned to college in January, ten years after quitting.  Juggling work, college, family, home and church events has been pretty tough.  We've had major changes at work - great, much needed changes, but even good changes can bring stress.  In addition to that, I've been dealing with a pretty terrible situation with my parents.  I haven't shared a lot about it until now, because it's just so personal and so difficult.  Their marriage has been on the rocks for quite some time, but this year it hit rock bottom...it hit below rock bottom, if that's possible.  I found out that my mother had been lying to me for months, and I found out that she had become addicted to some of her prescription medications.  There are other details, too, that are just too personal to share.  It all came to light just before Thanksgiving, and needless to say, it has put a huge strain on our relationship.  Our family is still recovering from the shock of what happened, and my parents are struggling to begin picking up the pieces of their lives and marriage, hoping they can still salvage it.

Despite it's challenges, 2010 has been a good year.  I cannot express how blessed I truly am.  So what do I want in 2011?  What are my goals, my words, my themes for the year ahead?

Peace
If I'm accepted into dental hygiene school, I'll start in July, and life is really going to get interesting.  I'll be just shy of a full-time student, working just shy of full-time, and heading up our church's children's ministry, as I've done for almost four years now.  I will need God's peace!  Our family also desperately needs his peace right now.

Healing
Healing for my parents' marriage and for my relationship with my mom...we've taken the first steps, I think.  We talked, really talked, on Christmas Eve for the first time since all this blew up.  It's going to be a long, slow process, though, and it will take a lot of time to build up the trust that was lost.

Nothing surprises God.
Nothing.  He knows every detail I'll face, and He'll be there to help me.

God is faithful.
If there is one thing I've learned throughout my life, it's that God is faithful.  He's never let me go, and He's never let my family go.  He's brought us through so much already, and I know He will bring us through whatever challenges and joys lie ahead in the new year.

This weekend, I'm going to blog more about my more specific goals for the new year, and I'll do a recap of my goals for this year and how well I did in reaching them.

Stepping Out In Bold Faith

It was a dream I'd had for years...since childhood, really.  I had a shot at it once, but gave it up to pursue another dream.  I didn't regret it, but I knew that one day I wanted to go back and see the dream become a reality.  But when the chance came, I was terrified.  It was a bold move, and of the scariest moves of my life.  It was my decision to return to college to finish my degree.

I started college fresh out of high school, on a scholarship - the only way my family could afford to send me.  I went blazing in, making a 4.0 GPA but without a clue as to what I wanted from a career.  I plugged away for two years, first as an elementary education major (that lasted one semester), then psychology, then English...because it was my favorite subject.  The pressure of keeping my grades high enough to keep my scholarship began to wear on me after the first few months.  I became more and more exhausted and discouraged.

Then in May 1999, I met Robby.  I had no idea at that first meeting that he would change my life.  I spent a year getting to know him as a friend, then in May 2000 he asked me for our first date.  A month later, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes.  I made the decision to marry the man of my dreams, become a pastor's wife, and quit college.

Life marched on.  Robby and I married in September 2000.  I worked for a while, then quit my job to become a stay at home mom.  We moved several times, and I finally returned to work.  Although I loved my job (still do!) I dreamed of returning to being a stay at home mom until reality set in - it was a thing of the past.  That's when I started thinking about college.

I decided that if I had to work (and I do) then I wanted to make good money at it.  I started doing some research and found that working in a dentist's office really interested me.  More research led to a college just 30 minutes away that offered a dental hygiene program.  I thought about it.  I prayed about it.  Robby and I talked about it.  The thought of returning to school as a 30 year old, married, working mom of two terrified me.  I talked  myself out of it and back into it several times.  Then, last December, I made the leap - I registered for classes, bought my books, and paid my tuition.  There was no backing out.

Now, a year later, I've survived some of the hardest classes I've ever taken...and made really good grades in them, much to my surprise.  I've finished my prerequesites and turned in my application to the dental hygiene program.  I'm still terrified, but I'm glad I did it.  I'm thankful for my family and friends who continue to support me.  I'm thankful for my husband, my biggest fan and cheerleader.  And I'm thankful I took the very bold, very scary leap of faith to return to college and to chase my dream until it becomes a reality.

Beyond Mommy Guilt

Burnout and I are old friends.  It has been a part of my life for many years, and I know why.  There's the easy answer, and there's the real answer.

The easy answer - which, by the way, is definately not a wrong answer - is that I simply take on more than I can handle.  A type-A, "I can do it all" person since childhood, I have a hard time saying no when someone asks me to take on a new responsibility.  There are a lot of things I love doing, and I have a hard time letting go of one to make room for another.  Which is why I ended up coordinating Vacation Bible School in August while working and taking anatomy and physiology II during the second summer session of college...yeah, huge burnout.

Then you have the real answer.  When I reach down deep, I know that the real reason I'm burned out is because of expectations.  I juggle so many roles in a day - wife, mom, manager/trainer at a women's gym, student, daughter, friend, pastor's wife, and CHO (chief home officer).  Sometimes I need to drop something, but no one is willing to let it be them.  Everyone needs me right now, and everyone needs me to give 100%.

I goes way beyond mommy guilt.  I think a lot of people would be surprized to know how much of the time I feel like I'm failing.  I think a lot of moms feel that way.  I try to do it all, and do it all well, and it's simply not possible.  When school gets crazy busy, my house is wreck.  When I'm stressed about what's going on at home, it's hard to give work my full attention.  When I have obligations because I'm a pastor's wife, I feel like my family doesn't my attention the way they need to.  I feel like the guy at the circus spinning plates, always running from one place to another to keep them all spinning.  Sometimes I need to let a plate fall - but no one wants it to be their plate.

Peer pressure doesn't end when you graduate from high school or even college.  I think that moms everywhere are pressured to do it all and be perfect at it all, and that pressure is what truly leads to burnout.

Still holding onto the dream

Dutchess and me, Christmas Day, 1993...I was 15 years old.

When I was 10 years old, I dreamed of the same thing I still dream of...horses.  I've loved horses since I was old enough to know what a horse is.  When my passion first started, my family assumed that I would outgrow it, like so many other kids do.  They were wrong.  The older I got, the more I fell in love with these amazing, majestic creatures. 

I would finally become a horse owner at the age of 14.  The time I spent with my horse created some of my favorite childhood memories.  Through the rough years of high school, I would go home and rush to the barn.  As I groomed my little Welsh pony/Fox Trotter mix, I cried and told her all my problems.  By the time I was done, she was clean and I had a fresh perspective on life - we both felt better.  She was my therapy.

Before I even owned a horse or took riding lessons, I dreamed of making a living riding and training horses.  As I got older, I realized I would probably never be able to make a career out of it, but I dreamed of continuing to have it as a hobby.  As I grew up and life became busier and more complicated, even the hope of keeping horses in my life as a hobby slipped away.  Shortly after I married my husband, I sold my horse, Dutchess, to a little boy who was just starting out on the very dream I was letting go of.  I embraced new dreams - marriage, children, and ministry with my husband as he pastored churches.

I know it will never be a career for me, but I'm not letting go of the dream.  Although I rarely get a chance to ride now, I treasure every opportunity I do get.  As I rush through the days and weeks at the hectic pace demanded of a working mom and college student, I still dream of returning to my childhood love - my lifelong love.  Now my dream is to rescue Thoroughbreds whose racing careers never took off, retraining them.  I keep promising myself that one day, when the kids are grown and life's crazy pace slows down, my dream will come true again, just as it did all those years ago.



Things I Love About Fall!

I am so glad it's fall!  Even down here in southeast Texas, where we don't have a "real" fall, the weather is getting much nicer and it's beginning to feel like fall...or as close to it as we get!







Mama Kat's writing assignments sparked this list, and I decided that it would be perfect for Thankful Thursday as well...

10 Things I Love About Fall!

1.  It's my favorite season of the year!  I get so excited when I see fall approaching.

2. The cooler weather...I love summer and hot weather, but by October, I'm ready for a change.

3. The countdown to Christmas begins - I love Christmas!

4. The leaves changing colors - actually, we don't get a lot of that here.  That's one thing I miss about Arkansas...

5. It's pefect coffee weather!

6. The cool, rainy fall days...perfect for curling up with a good book.

7. Thanksgiving - my favorite holiday!  Christmas is great, but it's so busy.  Thanksgiving is just a fun, relaxed time to be with family, eating, shopping, and watching movies.

8. My new wardrobe - I love pulling out my long sleeve shirts, my leather jacket, cute scarves, etc.

9. Great food - time for chili, soup, and other goodies.

10. The wonderful smells - I love walking into stores and smelling the pumpkin spice and apple cinnamon candles...

Ode to Bad Drivers...

I had way too much fun with this! I'm not much of a poet, but I couldn't resist choosing this from this week's writing assignments - write a poem about the last thing that made you angry…




"_blank">

Ode to Bad Drivers
I was driving calmly down the street,
The music playing as I relaxed to the beat.

My peace was interrupted when I carefully pulled out
And the blare your car's horn almost made me shout.

You blew past me and others too,
In your little car, painted bright blue.

You acted like everyone knew you were coming through,
But how can see when you're driving 102?

You sped down the street, driving so fast
I fear this trip may be your last.

You glare like it's my fault, that my brain is full of rocks,
While I wonder if your license came from a cereal box?

I watch you weave into every tiny space you can take,
Secretly hoping someone will slam on their brake.

At least I hope a cop comes your way,
And that you'll learn a lesson from the ticket you pay.