I have this article by Jane Rubietta in my Bible study journal. The article is called The High Chair Day, and it sums up what I think every Christian, and especially every pastor's wife, goes through at some point. One line really stood out to me - it says, "You (and I) cannot, must not, live and minister out of emptiness."
And yet, as I read that, I realized that's exactly what I'm doing. I looked back at my Bible study notebook, and I saw emptiness. Actually what I saw was one article (the one I was reading), four pages of meager notes, and lots of blank notebook paper. It's empty, it's depressing, and I hate it.
I started wondering how I got to this point. Busyness? Boredom? Lack of focus or self-discipline? When I was in college the first time, and when my husband and I first got married, I would spend 45 to 60 minutes a day in Bible study and prayer. I would wake up early every day, most days at 5:30 a.m., eagerly awaiting my quiet time with God. Where did that eagerness disappear to?
I know that I can't keep going like this. Five minutes of reading a devotional book and breathing a quick prayer for my family isn't going to carry me through the day. Having a quick and easy quiet time doesn't give me the strength I need to balance all my hats. I need a passion so I can be a wife, mom, pastor's wife, children's minister, manager, college student, and friend. I can't do it any other way.
A few weeks ago, I read Isaiah 44:3 and it seemed to jump off the page at me. It says (NASB), "I will pour out my water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring and My blessing on your descendants."
I want that…I want to be thirsty ground for God. I want a passion that drives me. I want my children to see my faith, to know that it's real, and I want that faith to be handed down to them. I want them to believe in Christ because they saw me believe in Him, and because they saw Him in me. That's my prayer.
The next few weeks, while I am out of school, I'm going to be working on putting together a new notebook…not really a Bible study notebook, but more of a spiritual journal. I'm taking a new approach to my quiet time. I'll post more about it as I get further into my new project.