And yet, as I read that, I realized that's exactly what I'm doing. I looked back at my Bible study notebook, and I saw emptiness. Actually what I saw was one article (the one I was reading), four pages of meager notes, and lots of blank notebook paper. It's empty, it's depressing, and I hate it.
I started wondering how I got to this point. Busyness? Boredom? Lack of focus or self-discipline? When I was in college the first time, and when my husband and I first got married, I would spend 45 to 60 minutes a day in Bible study and prayer. I would wake up early every day, most days at 5:30 a.m., eagerly awaiting my quiet time with God. Where did that eagerness disappear to?
I know that I can't keep going like this. Five minutes of reading a devotional book and breathing a quick prayer for my family isn't going to carry me through the day. Having a quick and easy quiet time doesn't give me the strength I need to balance all my hats. I need a passion so I can be a wife, mom, pastor's wife, children's minister, manager, college student, and friend. I can't do it any other way.
A few weeks ago, I read Isaiah 44:3 and it seemed to jump off the page at me. It says (NASB), "I will pour out my water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring and My blessing on your descendants."
I want that…I want to be thirsty ground for God. I want a passion that drives me. I want my children to see my faith, to know that it's real, and I want that faith to be handed down to them. I want them to believe in Christ because they saw me believe in Him, and because they saw Him in me. That's my prayer.
The next few weeks, while I am out of school, I'm going to be working on putting together a new notebook…not really a Bible study notebook, but more of a spiritual journal. I'm taking a new approach to my quiet time. I'll post more about it as I get further into my new project.
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3 comments:
I have been there, and am just starting to come out of it. I am the children's coordinator for our church to say I've been extremely overworked over the past year is a serious understatement. It became a JOB... not something I loved. I actually dreaded it. I hated that feeling. I finally was able to get connected with another woman at church and we're splitting the work down the middle.. that's what i needed. I had too much all of the time. I felt like I never had time to read my Bible, to pray, to THINK. Now, I can use that extra time as more time to use as 'quiet time.' It is necessary! I hope you find that time you need soon.. I know how lost you can feel without it.
Buddha says: The inner emptiness is so beautiful, don’t stuff it with junk, leave it as it is. And that’s what meditation is all about, that’s what Zen is. It means living out of emptiness, asking nothing from life, living moment to moment for no other reason, just enjoying being alive. It is more than you can ask for! What more meaning do you need? Is breathing not enough? Is this chirping of the birds not enough? Is the green and the red and the gold of the trees not enough? Is this vast existence with all its splendor not enough? You want some meaning?
Buddha says: The inner emptiness is so beautiful, don’t stuff it with junk, leave it as it is. And that’s what meditation is all about, that’s what Zen is. It means living out of emptiness, asking nothing from life, living moment to moment for no other reason, just enjoying being alive. It is more than you can ask for! What more meaning do you need? Is breathing not enough? Is this chirping of the birds not enough? Is the green and the red and the gold of the trees not enough? Is this vast existence with all its splendor not enough? You want some meaning?
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