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Monday, May 16, 2011

When It All Crashes Down

I haven't done a Working with Delight post the past couple of weeks.  I could give you a lot of reasons why, but it really boils down to just one.  I've been feeling completely and totally overwhelmed.  It's hard to write a post that's supposed to help other working moms when you feel like you're drowning yourself.

Everything college is starting to press in on me.  It's time to start buying books and ordering supplies.  I'm seeing hard numbers now on just how much this is going to cost us, and I'm terrified.  I'm finishing financial aid paperwork and praying I get some grants.  I'm trying to balance my work schedule and get my home organized.  I'm couponing and trying to save money wherever I can for school.  I'm scared out of my mind.

This weekend, I had to remind myself to stop and put it all in perspective.  The timing of the new Hello Mornings challenge at Inspired to Action couldn't have been better.  I did the challenge earlier this year, and it was life changing.  I desperately need my morning times with God.  It's where I draw my strength for the day ahead.

My morning time was born out of complete desperation.  My world was crushing in all around me as I faced a possible job loss, my parents extremely troubled marriage, and juggling college with work and family.  I knew that I could not find the strength I needed with a two minute devotional and a quick "Lord, watch over my family," prayer time.  So I found the challenge, along with other great resources, and I threw myself at the feet of God in a desperate plea for strength.

I wear so many hats in a day.  I'm a wife, a mom, a manager of a women's fitness center, a college student, a pastor's wife, a daughter, a friend...but when I come to Jesus every morning, I'm just Amanda.  I don't have to have it all together, I don't have to fill any role, and I don't have to live up to any expectations.  I just have to pour out my soul, my fears, and my failures and throw myself into my Daddy's arms so He can comfort me and give me strength.  When it all comes crashing down, He's there to pick up the pieces and hold me in His arms.  He's never let me go.  Even though I'm terrified of how much I'm taking on, I'm so glad that He's never let me go, and He never will.

2 comments:

MusingMom6 said...

I can tell you that being at home with my six kids I had many days, when they were younger, that i was hanging by the hem of His garment.

Life itself is overwhelming with all we are expected to do. Truthfully, the strength to admit that shows more about your character than how great and wonderful life is going.

Blessings to you!

Rachel M. said...

In response to your twitter request for what readers would like to see more of on your blog. More posts like this! This was inspiring to see your struggle and how you find the answer in Jesus. Way to go Amanda!!

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