Sunday, November 22, 2009

Second Thoughts

I'm having major second thoughts about this whole going back to college idea...

I went to my campus this past week to get some paperwork sorted out, and I got lost. Not on the way there, not on campus...I got lost in the main building. It's three stories tall. I couldn't find the elevator.

I have completely lost my mind. I'm confused, I don't know where to go on campus or who to talk to or what to do, and I haven't even attended my first class! It has me wondering how I'll ever be able to negotiate college in my 30's.

I've also started freaking out now that I'm making my to-do lists and working on my scheduling. I'm starting to realize that a lot of things are going to have to change if I do this. I am passionate about leading our children's ministry at our church, but I may have to give it up while I'm in school. My youngest is going to start playing T-ball this many T-ball games will I have to miss because I'm studying or working to pay for college? How many bedtime stories will I not get to read? How many nights will I get 3 or 4 hours of sleep because I'm cramming for a major test? What if I do a year's worth of work and don't get into the program I want? What if I do get in and start school full time? What about spending time with my family, hanging out with friends, running, reading, traveling with my family? I have a life that I really love, and I'm starting to wonder how much of it I'm going to have to give up and whether or not this whole college idea is worth it...yes, I want to finish my degree, but is the price I'll have to pay to get there going to be worth it? Three years seemed so short at it looks like an eternity looming before me.


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