Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Okay, so this wasn't a Wednesday post (I posted it yesterday) and it doesn't fit with any of the Working Mom Wednesday prompts, but I thought it was appropriate...
There are a million things I need to be doing...dishes, laundry, cleaning. But priorities shift, if only for a few minutes, when my youngest wakes up and wants to cuddle on the couch. I treasure it, knowing that, at five years old, he's not going to want to do this much longer. Later, than night, I find myself sitting on that same couch, exhausted and discouraged after a long day, fighting back tears. I've accomplished nothing, I've yelled at the kids, I've been too demanding...I need to slow down.
It's so hard. Even with this semester off from college, I find myself feeling like I need to rush, to do more and be more and finish more, when what I really need is to slow down. I need to focus, to be quiet, to pray, to sit in peace and solitude, to breathe, to rest. Why is that so hard?
In a journal entry almost three years ago, as a newbie working mom, I wrote... "What I want to be is a Supermom. I want to be able to work and take care of my family. I want to be a loving mom, creative homeschool teacher and children’s church leader, great assistant manager, good housekeeper and good cook, and caring and available pastor’s wife. What I can’t figure out is how on earth to do it all. What I am is tired and defeated."
I think realizing that we can't do it all is one of the hardest parts of being a working mom. As much as we all want to be Supermom, she doesn't exist. So we have to learn to balance, juggling family, home, work, and more. We learn that balance isn't the same for everyone, that it looks different day by day. We learn to slow down, to appreciate the little things in life, to breathe and rest and relax. We have to slow down so life doesn't slip by us while we chase an impossible dream. We have to learn to love our life, no matter how crazy and complex it is. And that can be one of the hardest lessons to learn.